Nana

A year ago tonight my husband walked into my job. One look was all it took. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew it was bad. I remember throwing clothes in a bag and jumping in the car. I cancelled jobs I had lined up and prepared to be on Long Island indefinitely.

I've been crankly all week. I can't help it. I sit here thinking about it and it all feels so fresh. I can imagine Nana yelling at me for being sad, but its hard not to be.

Nana was amazing. She's the one who taught me how to crochet when I was 5. I remember I wanted to learn how to knit. For whatever reason she taught me how to crochet. Nana taught me how to chain and do the single crochet. The first thing, and only thing, I remember making was a sunglass case for my dad. (He still has it - I came across it a few years ago.) Being the impatient child that I was I never went anywhere with my crochet. I wanted to make the gorgeous afghans Nana was making, or the sweaters she was knitting. But, well, being 5 I just wasn't ready for it. I didn't have the skill or the time committment. So I moved on to other crafts. There was pottery/ceramics, friendship bracelets, craft kits, needlework, yarn dolls, God's eyes, and many other instant gratification kid crafts. But I always kept my eye on what Nana was doing. I remember looking at Mary Maxim catalogs and her pattern books at her house.

When I was in college I wanted to learn how to knit. I couldn't find a place around me that had classes. Then over break I was home and saw ad ad for a crochet class at the library. We made ripple blankets. I remember having trouble reading the pattern and I called Nana for help. By this point she had stopped crocheting and knitting because of her arthritis. But she helped me through the pattern. Later when I learned to knit she would look at my work and tell me something was wrong. I of course thought she was nuts! It looked fine to me...Yeah, she was right. I was taught how to knit through the back loop (Don't ask, that's a story for another day!) and something was screwy.

Anyway, I've gotten way off track. Nana was so many things to so many people. It's hard to put into words what she meant to me because she was everything...the soft loving grandmother who would slip a dollar in your pocket as she hugged you good bye....or the pit bull in your corner when you needed help.

I just wish I could have one of those hugs right now.